If you’ve been reading my blog the past year or so, you are familiar with my recurring cycle with relationships.
- Pursue relationships – initiate gatherings and events.
- Grow weary of being the initiator for the majority of gatherings.
- Feel resentful and frustrated and pull back/stop initiating.
- Become restless at the lack of time spent with others.
- Pursue relationships again.
I am once again feeling like I’m in a funk. I really enjoy spending time with people and that is usually the reason I continue to initiate. Today I feel like I received a little more insight into my feelings behind part of this cycle, particularly numbers 2 and 3.
I realized that I pull back because I question whether the relationship are as important to the other person as it is to me. I pursue the relationship with regular meetings and some texting/email because I value the relationship and want it to grow. Eventually something inside of me wonders if I am more invested than the other person because there’s not a lot of “Hey, how are you doing? When can we do something together?” coming back at me. I wonder if the relationship is important to them. Then I wonder if I am important to the person.
I think that’s the underlying emotion/feeling/question. Am I important? I know I cannot be the only person who wonders this. Has this uncertainty caused you to pull back from relationships? Have you found yourself in this relationship cycle?
I have recently found myself pulling away from one of my closest relationships.Trying to figure out why has led me to this point. I want to continue to meet, encourage and speak truth to one another. But I feel like I’m the one in charge of making it happen and my heart whispers, “Is this relationship more important to me than them?” It seems like an unfair question to ask because I know the person is very busy and overwhelmed and perhaps needs me to be more supportive right now to get back to a place where they can begin to reciprocate again. Perhaps it’s the enemy trying to remove some of our supports during a difficult season. I know feelings are unreliable but this knowledge doesn’t quell them. I really just want us to be more engaged with one another but at the same time I don’t want to feel resentful or bitter. Help! What do I do?
I don’t usually get a lot of engagement here on the blog, but I could really use some wisdom and encouragement. Please, if you have some, share it. Thanks!