Being Not Enough

The other day I was made aware that Jennie Allen (author, If:Gathering founder) was starting an online FB community. That was the only information I had to go one. I really don’t know much about her. I haven’t read any of her books. Something urged me to request to join the group. I figured I could always exit the group if it didn’t work out.

Thus far there are over 3500 people in the group (I don’t know whether it’s been closed or people can still join). A bit overwhelming for this introvert, let me tell you, but experience reminds me that I don’t have to try to keep up with everything that happens in the group.

Anyway, Jennie posted a video in the group (I guess it was FB Live) that I decided to watch yesterday morning while on an elliptical machine at the gym (the video was 30 minutes long and that’s the best place for me to take 30 uninterrupted minutes). She talked about how she is working on her current book (and three weeks from deadline she realized the book she had been writing was not the one she was supposed to be writing) and was seeking some community to help her through this rushed process perhaps offering encouragement and support and letting her know the book matter resonated with others.

When she talked about the topic, it confirmed why I was in the group. I often (including presently) struggle with feeling like I’m not enough (or sometimes too much, but that’s a different discussion for a different day). As she spoke, I was reminded that the true equation is: Me + Jesus = Enough. On my own I am sorely lacking. That is why I need a savior, someone to accept me as I am and cover my deficiencies with his sufficiency. When I am able to remember and rest in Jesus’ sufficiency for me I feel free and loved and light. I am unburdened.

However, sometimes I forget this is the equation and act like it is actually: Me + Jesus + Works. This mindset only deepens the feelings of inadequacy. I have struggled throughout my faith life with trying to do things to please God or earn my salvation. Thankfully God reminds me that I am accepted and loved through my faith in Jesus and there’s nothing I can or need to do to earn righteousness. Paul reminds me that it’s in my weakness that God shows up. May I, too, boast in my weakness so that God may be seen in and through me.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 
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