Reassessing My Struggle

It hasn’t even been a week and I already am more hopeful about the future and my relationships. Do I think there’s a family-type community on the horizon for me? No, I don’t. There could be but that’s not where my hope is resting.

My hope is in the confidence that God is my provider and sustainer. While I don’t have a lot of answers to my questions, I do not think that they are as important now. God has encouraged me these past few days. He has drawn me closer to himself as I’ve clung to him in prayer.

I know now that I struggle with control and wanting my will/agenda to be done (I knew that before but this was a glaring reminder). I need to be more flexible and accept that plans have to change sometimes. I dislike having to cancel but you can’t always plan for illness or weather.

I also know that I should enjoy my relationships that I do have as they are, not as I wish they would be. I am blessed with people who enjoy spending time with me and make time for it in their schedules. I have relationships that allow me to share my heart, my struggles, my fears, my weaknesses. Not everyone does.

I have a husband who loves me. He is my partner-in-crime for the long haul and I need to be most vulnerable with him. He is for me and wants to know what’s on my heart. I need to make sure I don’t believe the lies our enemy tries to feed me about him not caring about the little things on my mind or not being a safe space for my truth.

Not really any earth-shaking revelations but I am thankful for a God who pursues, comforts, encourages and guides me. I hope to be open to whatever relationship the future holds, appreciate the ones I currently have and trust God with it all.

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